After my last post I was honestly feeling OK with everything that went on. The D&C was
over and I was ready to pick up the pieces and move on. The only problem was I still wasn't
feeling like myself. I was super emotional, and really nauseous. It's one thing to be
nauseous and to know that you will have a nice cute baby in the end that makes it all worth
it. But to feel sick when you're already feeling really sad is something completely different.
By Monday I was in a bad place. I woke up and was feeling sick, emotional and overall not having a good day. On top of everything, I got a migraine. My migraines are typically triggered by hormones and stress, so it made sense. I called my mom and she encouraged me to call my doctor to see if there was something they could do to help. Not more than 10 minutes after hanging up with my mom the doctor's office actually called me.
Lindy, the PA, told me the tissue they took out in surgery didn't have any pregnancy tissue in it. She explained that what they took out was divided in two. Half was kept at their office and half was sent in to be analyzed. So either the sample they sent in had every bit of the pregnancy tissue in it, which seemed unlikely, or they didn't get it out in the first surgery and it was still in my uterus. She wanted me to come in so they could do an ultrasound and check everything out.
All I could think was "really??" The day I was having and now this? The added stress got to me because shortly after I hung up the phone with Lindy my left hand started to go numb and I came down with a mild fever. I was totally freaked out. My hand has never gone numb like that before and I had no idea what could be causing it. The numbness went away after a few minutes which made me feel a little better. I did some quick research on the computer and figured it was most likely related to the migraine. Regardless, Ryan insisted on coming home from work to help me out with the boys. I tried to tell him I would be ok on my own, but secretly I was so happy he came home. I needed him there, whether I wanted to admit it or not. All I did the rest of the day was rest and try to feel better.
I went in the very next day for the ultrasound and sure enough the entire pregnancy sac was still in there. It made total sense. It explained why I was feeling so emotional and nauseous. With the pregnancy tissue still in there, my body still thought it was pregnant. But then I got to thinking, how does this happen? What did they take out the first time if everything was still in there? I was told I have a retroverted uterus which means it points back towards my spine as opposed to forwards towards my belly. Because of it's position it can make it difficult to do the surgery. Now I was going to have to repeat the surgery. However this time they would do it with ultrasound guidance to make sure they got everything.
I was so upset and frustrated. Emotionally I had been doing my best to move on and now I got sucked right back in. Physically, I got so sick after the first surgery and I was terrified of feeling that way again. Thankfully they were able to schedule the surgery for Thursday morning. I could hardly wait for it to be over. I wanted to start feeling better and to move past this once and for all. I prayed we would figure out the anesthesia drugs this time so I wouldn't feel so terrible afterwards. We were planning on going to WI this weekend and I really wanted to still be able to go. I was in desperate need of some family time.
Ryan and I dropped the kids off bright and early at Tim and Val's on Thursday morning and drove to the hospital. We checked in, they called us back to my room and as I did last time, I put on my hospital gown and fuzzy socks. They put in an IV, asked me the standard questions, and and I made sure to let them know my fears about the anesthesia drugs. They gave me some anti nausea medicine before the procedure to try to help. They asked me if I wanted to walk into the operating room or take a wheelchair and I told them I was fine to walk. I put on my surgical cap, gave Ryan a kiss and walked to the operating room.
It was freezing in there, just like last time. I climbed up onto the table and was covered by some freshly warmed blankets. The nurse giving me the drugs assured me she would start me out with small doses so I should let her know if I had any pain. The procedure started and I felt the drugs kick in. Things slowed down like last time, but this time I was a little more aware of what was going on. During the procedure I could feel some of what they were doing, but I waved the nurse off and told her I was ok. I did not want those drugs. I'd much rather be a little uncomfortable now, then completely miserable later.
When they were done I was still very aware of what was going on. I remember asking Dr Bonner a question. One of the things that really bothered me looking back on these past few months was how little I saw her through the first two miscarriages. In fact I didn't see her at all. I saw a different PA for each one and never even got to talk to Dr. Bonner. All I wanted was to talk to my doctor. To know she knew what was going on with me. To have her tell me it was ok and things would be better going forward. It had really been bothering me to the point where Ryan and I had discussed the possibility of me switching practices going forward...something I didn't really want to do, but thought might be best. Maybe it was the drugs talking, but as I laid on the operating table it seemed like the perfect time to bring it up to her. In what I'm sure was somewhat jumbled speech, I asked her if from now on when I went into her office, I could request to see her specifically instead of the PAs. To be honest, I don't remember exactly what she said, but I do remember she said yes, and that made me feel a lot better.
What's even more comforting is when she went back to talk to Ryan to tell him how everything went she mentioned that I asked her that question. She told him that she wasn't sure I would remember asking her and so she wanted me to know that I could definitely see her when I came in. All I need to do is let them know when I call to make my appointment that she said it was OK and they will get me in as soon as they can. Knowing that she could have let it go and thought I wouldn't remember, but instead brought it up to Ryan made me feel like she really cared and that made me happy.
I was wheeled back into my room and I remember Ryan and Dr. Bonner standing there. I waved and told them hello. Seeing as how I could barely remember coming back to my room after the first surgery, I was feeling good knowing that they didn't give me quite so many drugs this time. I felt so much better. I ate some crackers, drank some juice and after an hour was ready to go. When I stood I got a little dizzy, but nothing like last time. I still took a barf bag for the trip home, just to be safe.
We got to Tim and Val's to pick up the kids and as I stepped out of the car I wasn't feeling the greatest. I got sick, but then felt much better afterwards. I ate some pancakes Val's dad made and we visited for a little bit. Then we went home, I took a nice long nap while the boys did and I woke up feeling great. We even went out and ran some errands that afternoon. I felt a million times better than I did that same time last week after the surgery.
On Friday we were able to drive to Wausau. I took some anti-nausea medicine before the car ride to be safe, but I was feeling great and continue to feel great. Emotionally I'm back where I was when I wrote my last blog post. I'm happy, I believe things happen for a reason and I'm ready to move on. I have two very energetic young boys and maybe God knows me a little better than I know myself. Maybe all this is happening to give our boys a little more time to grow up before another baby comes into the picture. Whatever the reason, I'm ok and hopeful that when the time is right Owen and Joe will have a baby brother or sister.
Physically I'm feeling good too. No more nausea, which is AMAZING!! I finally have my appetite back...yay!! By the end of the day I do get some pretty bad cramps that leave me in bed by 8:30 PM with a heating pack, but I'll take it. My body is going through a lot of changes and I think it's all part of the process. I'm just so happy to be moving on and look forward to what the future holds.
